On Unfulfilled Goals

Nearly all of us know the disappointment of unfulfilled goals. We often set out to achieve a great deal, and when things do not happen as soon as we had hoped, frustration follows, along with guilt and sometimes exhaustion.

Yet I must ask: Is it possible to fulfil all your goals? Perhaps you will agree that the human mind can conceive of far more goals than a person can accomplish. Why, then, blame ourselves for being unable to do the impossible?

Sometimes it seems that in trying to fulfil ourselves, please others, and prove our worth, our minds work against us. We forget our own nature, the fact that we are part of the natural world. And does nature give us a list of goals to fulfil when we are born? I do not think so. We gradually form our own goals and take on others from those around us. Perhaps, then, we can also change our relationship with them a little and ease some of the sadness when they remain unfulfilled.

Surely you do not expect me to have no goals at all?

That hardly seems possible. The desire to achieve something has led us to many remarkable things. Goals will accompany us through life whether we wish it or not. But we can influence how we relate to them, both those within reach and those beyond it.

Let us first look again at how many goals we have. We can pursue only so many at once. Yet we often occupy our bodies and minds with so many different goals that we feel scattered and overwhelmed. Just as one jug cannot fill a hundred glasses to the brim, a person cannot fulfil a hundred goals at once. Perhaps it makes sense, then, to be honest and kind with ourselves and undertake only as much as we can manage. To let the other goals go and return to them in the future, if we can.

Kindness and tenderness are also needed as we work towards our goals. We cannot expect every day to bring progress, every action to take us closer to what we wish to achieve. Even rain cannot fall forever. We need rest, moments when we ask nothing of ourselves. So do not despair when your body or mind protests and everything seems upside down. Allow yourself to pause, listen to yourself, and let things flow for a while.

But I had only one goal, and it did not work out!

Even a single goal is not guaranteed fulfilment. Sometimes it conflicts with something else we also care about. A father who takes a steady job to provide for his family may give up part of his longing for an adventurous life in which he would let the world carry him like a leaf drifting down a river. He need not regret his decision. A scholar who wants to explore the mysteries of science may find that he has less time for a bohemian life than he imagined.

Some decisions naturally close the door on other possibilities. Sometimes, though, we can enter through a window or at least look through the keyhole. Even a busy student can occasionally taste a young bohemian's life at the weekend. Even someone in an office with an adventurer's heart can sometimes set out to explore the unknown.

At other times, a goal seems beyond reach because its time has not yet come. We cannot ask a tree to bear fruit in winter. Before the fruit can ripen, spring must arrive and the tree must blossom. The harvest does not belong to summer and autumn alone; what came before them has its part in it too. Yet we often want only the fruit, preferably at once, and forget everything unseen that goes into its ripening. Perhaps, then, we can be more patient with ourselves and others when things call for work and time. Impatience will not shorten the time they need, but it can add to our distress.

Some goals, however, we will never fulfil. They may lie beyond our abilities, or circumstances may have closed the way to them. It is not always easy to recognize where such a limit lies. Sometimes, though, we already know that waiting longer or trying harder will not be enough. It is natural to be disappointed. Even if we forget an unfulfilled goal for a time, it may suddenly return to mind and draw us back into thoughts of what might have been. We need not suppress this sadness or blame ourselves when it returns. Something mattered to us, and it hurts that it did not come to pass.

Perhaps something else will eventually fill the space left by an unfulfilled goal. And even if it does not, you will still be a whole person. The fact that something is missing does not mean your life has been a failure. Nature did not give you a list of tasks at birth that you had to complete to prove your worth. What did not come to pass may still matter to you. Even with this unfulfilled wish, yours is a whole human life.